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Crap cat not wanted any more- please take or she’s history.

I have a crap cat I need to get rid of. She started whinging around my door a few weeks ago so I gave her some yogurt and pizza to shut her up. She wouldn’t shut up at nights so I let her in. She kept trying to come into bed with me until I started using a spray bottle full of water to get rid of her. Currently she lives under one of my futons and hisses or swipes a claw as I go by. I feed her every second day, if she’s lucky. If she draws blood then she gets a slap- that’s not cruelty, that’s equality. 

 Anyway, she doesn’t have a name  unless you count ‘You spiteful little fuckbag’ as a title. She is utterly useless with kids as far as I can see and would probably murder other cats or any dogs you have, but she does need a home. To be honest I don’t care if you have good or really awful intentions towards her, so perverts welcome. I have left her unspayed and let her out to get shagged when in heat as I wanted to see what she would do when she had kittens. 

Please apply to me at (512) 939-4388 or just email me at thecolin1@gmail.com. I can mail her to you if you want but will deny everything if anyone finds out. 

(see- THATs how you write a cat not wanted ad. No, of course it’s not real, morons.)