iamwidescreen

the ultimate white trash wreck after-party

So I’m walking to the bus stop opposite work and there’s a bunch of young kids, mostly Mexican standing around. There’s one car parked a ways behind a crappy looking truck. As I get closer the facts start to separate themselves into hilarious clarity. As two white hillbilly cliches (tats, terrible accent, lots of YO MTV RAPS posturing, apallingly bad moustaches) and their pleasingly plump female companion with her own share of faded crap tats that meant nothing more than ‘I’m drunk, let’s get a perma-butterfly above my rapidly expanding ass’. 

 So, the hillbillies are doing a lot of rap style hand and arm gestures to the group of teenage mexicans and are desperately trying to convince the children of the car (now minus a headlight that one or other of the Mexicans will pick up over the next ten minutes and stare at) that calling the police is a terrible, terrible idea. This is what initially makes me realize theres something totally different going on here- the relentless series of shit reasons why the kids shouldn’t call the police. None of the Hillbilly reasons make sense and it dawns on me  that they’re scared stiff of the police showing up. The kids are almost buying this ‘oh, there’s nothing the police can do ’ series of crap excuses when an older girl who knows them pulls up and talks to them and the hillbillies. The hillbillies are not happy at this. 

 The girl gives the situation enough time for an old enormous white lady to screech to a stop in front of the truck and jump out in her mu-mu, screeching already at white hillbilly boy number one who instantly defends himself with rap stance fifty-four, the Mc Hammer Crane stand (popular in 1992). The Momma familias, clearly not versed in the same school of ‘keep it cool and try to convince the Mexican Children of ‘the plan’ (the plan being keep the cops the fuck away from this mess at all costs but don’t let the kiddies know you’re doing this) starts yelling at what I imagine to be her ‘boy’ (son is a bit grand for this family) ‘Then you’re going to jail; YOU’RE GOIN’ TO JAHAIL’ .

 Sadly at this point, I had to leave as I was really hoping a passing patrol car would stop and investigate and discover that son number one had an outstanding warrant for chicken fucking in ALabama three  months previously. 

The great unwashed public, you gotta love them. Putting on all that entertainment JUST FOR ME!